So you want to watch American Football

The very basics: two teams, each teams wants to take the ball to the other teams goal line, at the end of four quarters the team with the most points wins.

The still pretty basics: Most of the time the ball’s in someone’s hands and their running to the goal line. The quarterback (offensive leader) can pass it forward to gain yards that way. The only times you kick the ball are when you have to give the ball to the other team (to start them as far away from your goal line as possible) or to get it into the other teams goal line and win points (not many, but worth it).

Interesting bits: The game is played on a 100-yard field. Pretty much every play is meant to advance the offense by ten yards – they have four chances. Most of the time, offense will spend three chances, or downs, trying to move at least ten yards. If they don’t, they will usually use their fourth down to ‘punt’ the ball, kick it deep into enemy territory so the other team starts far away. The offense can use their fourth down to try and reach ten yards, but if they fail the opposing team takes possession of the ball at that point.

When the offense advances ten yards in four downs or less, it’s called a First Down, and they have four new chances to go another ten yards. This goes on until they try to score, which happens one of two ways: Touchdown or Field Goal. A Touchdown happens when the offense runs or passes the ball behind the defense’s goal line, a Field Goal is when the offense kicks the ball between the goal posts. Field goals are worth three points, touchdowns are worth six but it doesn’t end there. If you get a touchdown you have a chance to earn extra points. If you kick the ball between the goal posts after a touchdown you get one point – it’s almost automatic – OR you can try to run or pass the pass behind the goal line again and get two points.

The defense can do almost anything to stop you – there’re few things as satisfying as hearing the crunch of a tackle when the camera mike is about fifty yards away!! The defense cannot go for the helmet in any way – that’s a dumb way to get a penalty. The defense cannot grab an offensive player with their fingers – full body hugs are fine, but pulling on their jersey isn’t. If a defender is defending a receiver and the ball’s being passed to the receiver, the defender cannot touch him (pass interference), but he can try and catch the ball himself, and after the receiver’s caught the ball he’s fair game. There are other limitations, but these are the ones that come up most often.

Obscure pub trivia: American football is a game of strategy – players and teams are constantly setting up in different formations and running different patterns to find and exploit weaknesses in the other team. This is why there are so many pauses, they’re deciding what to do next.

You can substitute players as many times as you want in American football, you just have to do it in between plays. Peyton Manning, the Colts quarterback, watches for substitutions like a vulture – if he sees a moment when the opposing team, in mid-substitution, has more players on the field than they should, he starts the play and the penalty on the defense earns him a free five yards. You may call it cheating, but he calls it an exploited moment of weakness.

Each team’s given three time-outs every half. At the end of the half and particular the second half, when the score’s close and everything depends on the clock, having time-outs to burn can be the difference between winning and losing. The refs stop play when they notice a player injured on the field automatically. Two minutes before the end of the half, play is stopped (those last two minutes have a way of changing the outcome) to warn the teams. When you make a first down or when you run the ball out of bounds, the clock stops. This may seem really trivial, but controlling the clock is a key element in play.

If a coach think the ref called a play wrong, he can challenge it, but it’s not something to be done lightly. When a challenge is made play is stopped and the referees watch the play again from all the angles the cameras could cover. The only way a challenge can succeed is if the refs see conclusive evidence that the play was called wrong – if they can’t see how the ball behaved very well, they have to accept the initial ruling. If a challenge fails, the team that issued the challenge loses a time-out, but if they win it no penalty is taken and the play is adjusted based on the new findings. In the final two minutes of the half, the only challenges can come from the observation booth up high and count against no one if they fail.

I think you’re ready to watch some American football!

Now for some bits about the awesomest team ever: The Indianapolis Colts!!!

-The Colts defense is unreliable. We have one of the worst records in the league, and when the Colts lose it’s usually because the defense couldn’t hold the other team back. There are moments of greatness, but they come too few and far between to be counted on.

-Marvin Harrison is the receiver to watch, always. He and Manning hold the record for most touchdown completions in a season (49 I think), Harrison can catch just about anything close to him, and once he starts running it’s hard to stop him. The defense knows to double-team him, and this free up receivers like Brandon Stokley, Reggie Wayne, Austin Croshier, and other stars who are all exception receivers. Even if all of the above are covered, Peyton’s been known to throw the ball at some unknown rookie for a touchdown.

-Joseph Addai is the Colts running game. This is his first year as head running back and he’s made very good. He averages 4-5 yards per run, do the math.

-Adam Vinatieri is our field goal kick and has a perfect playoff record. A game where only field goals are scored isn’t great, but a win’s a win.

-Payton Manning is one of the best quarterbacks of all time. He holds multiple records for things like touchdown passes per season, consecutive games with 200+ yards, etc. His throwing arm is regularly compared to a laser-guided missile, and with just cause. YouTube search “Peyton Manning Commercial” and you’ll find a bunch of clips of him showing he has a good sense of humor about himself. He has a bad reputation for playoff games, especially games in Florida, as someone who can’t deliver in crunch time, but he’s NEVER gotten this close before. If he’s ever going to claim a title, it’s this year.